Emotional Eating
On this specific day pictured below, I hadn’t checked in with myself emotionally all week since I had such a jam-packed schedule and I ended up breaking down into tears while doing dishes that evening.
In the past, any time I felt overwhelmed + unable to handle my emotions like in this instance, I would feel an impending binge arise that would very quickly spiral into me consuming an uncomfortable amount of restricted foods (i.e. candy, baked goods, bread, etc.) because I derived so much pleasure from “indulging” in my labeled “cheat foods”.
Although it may have felt like I was alleviating the discomfort in the moment by taking my emotions out on food, the resulting guilt and self-disgust only made me feel worse.
As I’m healing my relationship with food, I’m learning the importance of prioritizing healthier outlets for my emotions (i.e. journaling, therapy, crying) to fully feel my feelings and untwine emotional responses from food choices.
So rather than running straight to the kitchen on this day, I decided to instead curl up in bed, hug one of my pillows, and let the emotions ride the wave throughout my body, which left me feeling so relieved. I then went to grab a lil something sweet when I felt the emotions had released and the reason behind the food choice was to satisfy a genuine craving and not to repress my emotions further.
Back in high school, those moments where I felt dissociated and possessed by an urge to binge terrified me and I never thought I’d be able to gain control. While I do still sometimes struggle with binges, the impulse and the overwhelming emotions behind it carry less weight with each episode now. And this is because I’m now allowing my emotions to surface instead of burying them deeper down inside.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you struggle with food. There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. So many of us deal with complex, often unspoken battles with food, and it’s no wonder given the pervasiveness and dominance of diet culture + the beauty industry. Give yourself some grace and remember that although recovery is lengthy and very much not a linear journey, it is possible to find peace with food <3